Pornography!!!

Breaking Free From the Trap of Pornography - by: Dave Boehi

Note: In last week’s column, I discussed the temptations we face each day in our sexualized culture. You can’t avoid temptation, but you can control your response. I thought I’d finish the discussion about temptation by talking about breaking free from the trap of pornography, which is one of the most destructive enemies of marriages today. Even if you aren't dealing with this issue, the following (adapted from a longer article I wrote with Mike Pickle) provides valuable information you can use to counsel others.

Pornography takes something that is beautiful when it occurs between a married man and woman and makes it dirty. God created the act of sexual union as a special gift for a husband and wife. It is a celebration of love that strengthens a marriage and builds oneness.
But pornography twists and perverts the beauty and biblical design of God's creation. The focus on sensual pleasure becomes such a powerful drug that it destroys all that is important in the rest of their lives. It leads men and women to look at each other as nothing more than sex objects. It causes them to fantasize about sexual relationships with other people, and that's a terrible blow to their marital commitment.

If you want to break free from the sexual sin and lust fueled by pornography, the first thing you need to realize is that you can't do it in your own power. You need the presence of God in your life. In fact, if you have never understood what it means to be a Christian, and how you can know God personally, please read this clear presentation of the gospel. It will be the most important decision of your life.

If you know Christ lives within you, here are some suggested steps for dealing with the trap of pornography:

Step One: Confess Your Sin. When you try to keep such sin secret, your spirit will become increasingly troubled. As David wrote in Psalm 32:3-4: “When I kept silent about my sin, my body wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night Your hand was heavy upon me; my vitality was drained away as with the fever heat of summer.”
On one hand, confession is simply agreeing with God about sin in your life. Jesus said in Matthew 5:28, "Everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart." When you look at those pictures or images to stimulate you sexually, you are committing adultery in your heart. When you confess this to the Lord, you simply say, "Yes, I was lusting after that woman. I sinned against You, Father."
You may be thinking, "I've done that. But nothing changed." That's because, when faced with a deep-rooted sin such as this—one that has involved numerous poor choices over a period of time—your confession must come with a broken heart that shows that you are repentant—ready to turn away from your sin.

Repentance means "to turn around." When you have a habit of sin in your life, it is like getting in a car and driving away from God. When you repent, you stop moving away from God and turn around to face Him, and through His power start moving toward Him again.

What does God do when you come to Him with an attitude of brokenness and repentance? He offers forgiveness and cleansing. 1 John 1:9 tells us, "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." You may not be freed from the desire to commit this sin again, but you can be freed from the crushing weight of guilt and shame.

Step Two: Make no provision for the flesh (Romans 13:14). Not only should you remove every trace of pornography from your home or office, but you also should take practical steps to put barriers between you and any sources. If magazines or books are a temptation, stay away from the stores where you purchase pornography. If you've been watching erotic movies on cable or satellite television, downgrade your service to eliminate the offending channels … or get rid of the service altogether if necessary. When you travel start staying in hotels that can block or turn off the pay-per-view movies in a given room. Ask the desk clerk to do that before you enter your room.

If you are involved in computer porn, you may need to change your Internet service provider, your e-mail address, and even your credit card so that porn sites cannot contact you. Find a blocking or screening program or even an ISP that screens Web sites. If you have used a computer at the office to view pornography, then ask about getting a screening system for the office.

Move your computer into an open area of the house. Tell your wife or children to come and ask you what you are doing on the computer anytime they want to. You can also teach someone in your house to check the history in your Web browser.

Step Three: Find an accountability partner. Accountability is a scriptural principle that tells us to " ... be subject to one another in the fear of Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). This means you choose to submit your life to the scrutiny of another person in order to gain spiritual strength, growth and balance.

If you do not go to your pastor first, do so immediately after making open confession to the Lord. He is spiritually responsible to pray for you and teach you God's truth. If he is the man of God he should be, he will gladly pray for and with you, and exhort you in your spiritual growth.

Step Four: Build biblical truth into your life. If you've been filling your mind with pornographic images, chances are that you have not been spending much time reading God's Word. Begin spending time every day reading the Bible, chapter by chapter. Start with a book you like to read—the Gospel of John or the Gospel of Matthew. Read a chapter each day from Psalms and one from Proverbs. Also, seek out other opportunities—like Bible studies or conferences—to learn and apply God’s Word.

Step Five: Begin to rebuild your marriage. Your spouse may not be able to respond openly to you at first. But one thing you can start doing right now is to begin praying with him or her. It may be embarrassing, it may feel awkward, or it may even be frightening, but do it anyway. There are few things in a marriage that can draw you and your spouse together like prayer.

FamilyLife offers a number of conferences and resources to help you reduce the isolation you are experiencing in your marriage. Our Weekend to Remember™ conferences may be the best place to start the rebuilding process. At some point, you also should become involved in a small group using a study from HomeBuilders Couples Series®.We can help you find out if there is a group in your area of the country.

God will honor each small step of obedience you take. He has the power to change your heart … to help you experience the joy of a cleansed heart … to wash away your sin and guilt and shame … and to help you experience oneness again with your spouse.